I have childhood memories of my mother losing her temper and yelling at us kids for various reasons. I was the oldest with more responsibilites, and so I felt like I got yelled at more often then others. There was one particular time I remember very vividly. There was a family gathering at a campground at Noccalula Falls. I think I was probably about 10 years old. My cousins and I were going to explore the park. My mother specifically said to me not to go down into the falls. I was a good kid who always obeyed, but I succumbed to peer pressure. My cousins told me she'd never find out. Well, of course I took my clumsy self down there and ended up falling and scraping up my knee pretty badly. We walked back to the campgrounds and found my mom and several of the adults at the pool. My mother asked me if I went into the falls, and of course I couldn't lie to her. There have been few times I've seen her so angry. She yelled at me so loudly in front of all of these strangers and extended family at the pool. I was so completely humiliated and embarrassed. Now that I'm a parent, I totally understand why she was so upset. I should have never gone down into those falls. One of us kids could have been really hurt. She never sat down with me afterwards and explained why she was so upset.
I don't want my daughter to have memories like that. It still brings up a lot of emotion when I think about how she made me feel that day. Sometimes I find myself getting really frustrated with Abby. Last night, for example, she was whining and crying because I told her no. I tried to have a talk with her, but she just kept on and on. Eventually, it finally pushed me to the point where I yelled. Of course, afterwards I felt so guilty. My husband also told me he didn't like that I yelled at her. There have been other times when I've almost yelled, but was able to remind myself that I should do that. I don't yell often, but when I do I feel horribly guilty. Abby yells sometimes when she gets angry, and of course she gets into trouble for it. What kind of lesson does it teach when she gets into trouble for it and then I do it. We did have a talk about it last night, and I apologized for yelling.
This. Keeps. Happening.
19 hours ago
15 comments:
It's hard. I hate to raise my voice...but it happens. I always try to explain that I do not like to yell and explain my frustration. Not sure how much it helps much while they are so young, but hopefully it will sink in before they are teenagers.
I always found that I kinda tuned my mom out when she yelled, so I try very hard not to do it. When my kids were toddlers, it was usually more effective to get right in their faces and talk quietly.
yeller here too...
it's hard not to sometimes.
Big time yeller here! I try so hard not to. My mother was also a big yeller and a lot of times I don't even realize that I am doing it. My parents are divorced and when me father comes to visit he puts me in check. He makes me realize that I am yelling - just like my mother. Sometimes, it doesn't even mean we are over the top angry. We are just loud yellers. I need to make my voice the loudest(and heard!) over four kids and their noise! When I realize that my kids are yelling too, I make changes around here for a few months. We all use out inside voices! LOL I feel so bad sometimes so I make an effort not to yell but sometimes the kids just get the best of me. I guess it happens to us all.
I try not to yell but I can get caught up in the moment and like you feel awful afterwards. I agree it is much more productive to speak calmly and explain why we are upset to the kids, but we are also human, so I try to learn from my mistakes and not beat myself up too much.
Sadly I tend to be a yeller with my oldest as well. I noticed it about a year ago and have tried to bite my tongue and take a different approach since my now 2 year old will start hearing it to and I don't want that to be what my children remember of me most.
When I became a mom I wrote my mom a letter (or should I say mini novel) about what being a mom now meant to me and how I now understood her more. She cried when she read it. A year ago (7 ears later) I was looking for something when I was over there and opened her nitestand drawer and there it was. I made me so happy to see she held it so close to heart!
I'll admit I am a yeller. Maybe it is because I was yelled at as a kid. There were five children in my family and it seems like someone was always yelling in our house. I know I should control my temper but sometimes it is extremely difficult. Especially when I am under a lot of stress.
My mom used to go completely nuts on us, but she was a single parent in an era when there wasn't much of that--I think she was fried. I am a yeller, I think because that's how I was raised--doesn't make it right, I know. I'm embarrassed by that, but may that be the worst I am. I spanked once or twice too. Ugh. Ok, so I'm not perfect, but I have really good kids in spite of me.
I'm a yeller and hate it. I get overwhelmed sometimes. My girls do know that I love them though.
I am at home yeller. In public I do a scary evil whisper with my eyes bulged out.
I always tried to leave yelling for when they do something really bad. In all honesty, it usually happens when I'm stressed and tired.
my son is just 8 mos and i dont want to yell at him when he grows up and do foolish things. but you'll never know, right? i think it'd be hard for me not to yell coz i tend to yell at my hubby at times when i get cranky hehehe oh oh...:)
I think every parent has yelled once or twice at their kids. They do know how to push buttons, so give yourself a break. What I have done when i get so stressed (which happens alot in my house with two special needs kids) is to sing a happy song, real loud.... it usually make me feel i have more control. Of course my other technique is walk away and lock myself in the bathroom. "daddy is getting angry, i need to go to time out"....then i breath. Of course then the follow me and start knocking on the bathroom door...then the old standby comes into play if that isnt working "oh ive got joy joy joy, down in my heart, down in my heart"
Visiting from Entrecard... that is one thing I struggle with as well. I was born into a family of yellers (Italians yell a lot for no reason) and I do it too. I try to explain when I yell at my kids (which does happen to often it seems) and they seem to understand... But I have really tried hard not to repeat this cycle. I think you just have to take it day by day and realize no-one is perfect.
I yell sometimes too. I have boys and that is what it takes to get their attention. I feel bad always after yelling. My mom was a yeller to I guess I do what she did sometimes.
Funny, I had this conversation with my mom very recently.
I shared with her how I feel like a terrible mother for getting after my girls all the time. I told her that I never remembered her doing that, which was part of why I felt so bad. She told me that she felt the same way when she had us young children and was elated to know that today we do not remember. My husband said the same thing about his parents. Great post!
Mindy
http://cutegirlshairstyles.blogspot.com
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